Do you ever wonder what it would be like if you could watch your life play out from a third party perspective?  Like watching your own movie...that would be pretty cool.  Sometimes maybe it would be a little freaky too.  Watching the mistakes we all make from time to time and watching the physical, emotional, and spirtual pain they cause and feeling rather helpless to stop whatever was coming next...even if you already know.  Kind of like watching that wretched movie, Titanic, the boat always sinks in the end...but I still watch that cursed movie every time it's on. 
I guess I'm glad, that in a way, our lives are so spontaneous and we are completely oblivious to our daily stupidity.  Otherwise, we'd never know personal growth!  Well, that's my theory anyway. 


Reflecting on where I've been, has been quite a ride.  Nothing I ever choose to do, is easy by any means and I suppose I'm grateful for that.  The trials have made me stronger.  Looking back now, cause and effect has been bittersweet.  I've been lost for a while, found, then lost again.  Confused, vengeful, mean, timid, apprehensive, aggressive, happy, sad, straight up pissed, peaceful and content.  I feel that especially in the last fifteen years, I've been from one end of the spectrum to the other.  Everything I thought I knew had been challenged and tested to be wrong.  Imagine finding out that everything you based your existence on, turned out to be superficial and false....without substance.  What would you do?  How would you feel?  I met God several times through out my life, but was too blind to see His outstretched arm reaching to me. 


The gift of life was given to me after doctors swore I would never be a mother.  Although, not quite the timing I would've hoped for, but the best gift anyone could ever be blessed with.  Even then, I still didn't see His presence in my life.  Then failed relationship after failed relationship, I finally met the man I would fall in love with and marry.  Finally, what I wanted...a child, a husband, a home,  a talent and love of music, but still it wasn't enough.  I was depressed and the ever growing undefined hole inside of my heart and soul would soon fester into something that would affect everything  and everyone around me.  A friend of mine had a newfound attitude and contentment that I craved.  I wanted to feel like that.  She invited me to church...I immediately shot that idea down in my mind...Church...whatever.  I 'm not good enough to go to church, that's what I always thought.  "Those walls will cave if I set foot inside those doors".  I never understood Grace in it's entirety.  Finally, my curiousity won and I went to check it out.  My breakthrough happened in November 2008.  I found what I was missing and I felt the hand of God on my heart.  What a blessing that has been and since April 12, 2009, my journey has been transformational!  Lifechanging for my entire family.  I'm not perfect, I swear, screw up daily, make huge mistakes, but because I have a close, personal relationship with Jesus Christ...I don't have to be perfect.  I'm a sinner saved by grace and  I may not be who I want to be, but thank God I'm not who I used to be.  Do you know Jesus Christ?  Do you want to?  Please share your thoughts and feelings, I would love to hear your testimonies or even be able to answer questions or just share stories.  Thanks for visiting my blog and I hope you'll keep checking in!
God Bless You  All!
In Grace and Peace,

D